The Blarg!

March 20, 2017

I got this text message a couple of days ago, inquiring of my availability to perform a magic show. At least, that's what the text reads. The subtext, though, reads, "I AM A SCAMMER! EVERYTHING I AM SAYING IS DESIGNED TO TAKE YOUR MONEY! SCAM SCAM SCAMMITY SCAM!"

At lea...

September 28, 2016

As a superpower, it's not much to brag about (but I'm going to).

My abilities are strictly limited. They only work inside my house, and only on my family.  Don't come running to me if you've lost something important; in fact, my abilities don't seem to work on myself.


September 22, 2016

In a minute I’m going to inject a non sequitur into this post, but I promise it will make sense eventually.  Just brace yourself.

A Facebook friend of mine recently posted a story about the election and the unpleasantness that surrounds it with the comment, “What’s happ...

June 24, 2015

 In the last week in Cincinnati, a guy ran out onto the interstate in only a pair of shorts and flung himself at trucks until one of them killed him.  Another guy went out and got into a gun battle with the police so that he could die, and unfortunately took a cop with...

June 16, 2015


Last night, the former governor of Florida announced (as though it was a surprise) that he intended to run for the office of President of the United States. Last night, the former governor of Florida doomed me to an existence of perpetual explanation.


I don't care abo...

April 29, 2015

Tell you a funny story.


This old man has two daughters, see?  One is beautiful, demure, obedient and everybody wants to marry her, while the other is loud, opinionated, strong-willed—your basic nightmare.  So the old man sets up an arranged marriage for the “shrew” dau...

April 15, 2015


The Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Sultan

Paul Porfirov, late 1800s

In the collection of the Cincinnati Art Museum


This is my second-favorite piece of art of all time.  


Even before I learned the story behind it, I loved it, and in the five years since moving...

April 6, 2015


Today I have been married to my wife, Anne, for 24 years, which works out to roughly half my life.


Can you think of ANYTHING you've done for half of your life, continuously?  I know somedays it feels like you spend half your life looking at your cell phone, or replyin...

January 26, 2015

 Today's blog, more than most, is an exercise in futility.  I want to communicate an idea to you, an endeavor that is doomed before I begin.


In today's world, communication can happen quicker than ever before in human history.  I type my words here and press "Post...