#life

Conversations With a Scammer (Annotated)

Jeb Brack and ?

Mar 20, 2017
7 min

Conversations With a Scammer (Annotated)

I got this text message a couple of days ago, inquiring of my availability to perform a magic show. At least, that's what the text reads. The subtext, though, reads, "I AM A SCAMMER! EVERYTHING I AM SAYING IS DESIGNED TO TAKE YOUR MONEY! SCAM SCAM SCAMMITY SCAM!" At least, that's what the little bitty red flags seemed to say. I continued to text with this person (?) to see where it would go, but from the start I knew this would not lead to a show. Join me, won't you, as I dis

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Jeb Brack

Sep 28, 2016
2 min

The Amazing Adventures of FINDERMAN!!

As a superpower, it's not much to brag about (but I'm going to). My abilities are strictly limited. They only work inside my house, and only on my family. Don't come running to me if you've lost something important; in fact, my abilities don't seem to work on myself. You see, I have the power to find stuff that my family members have misplaced, ESPECIALLY if they have left their belongings in an extremely obvious place. Why? Because I am... FINDERMAN!!! Can't find your keys

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Jeb Brack

Sep 22, 2016
4 min

History Has Its Eyes On Us

In a minute I’m going to inject a non sequitur into this post, but I promise it will make sense eventually. Just brace yourself. A Facebook friend of mine recently posted a story about the election and the unpleasantness that surrounds it with the comment, “What’s happened to this country of ours that I love so much?” She was talking about the hateful rhetoric that the two major campaigns and their backers are spewing in their quest for the presidency. Okay, she was only t

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Jeb Brack

Jun 24, 2015
3 min

Is It Just Me, Or...?

In the last week in Cincinnati, a guy ran out onto the interstate in only a pair of shorts and flung himself at trucks until one of them killed him. Another guy went out and got into a gun battle with the police so that he could die, and unfortunately took a cop with him before he succeeded. In South Carolina last week, a guy shot nine people at a church and the country went nuts over the issues of race, gun control, and the Confederate flag. And all over the United States t

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Jeb Brack

Jun 16, 2015
3 min

It's Official: My Name Is Ruined

Last night, the former governor of Florida announced (as though it was a surprise) that he intended to run for the office of President of the United States. Last night, the former governor of Florida doomed me to an existence of perpetual explanation. I don't care about the man's politics, or more precisely, I care but it's my own business what I think of them and it's your own business what you think. I won't argue with you over that. Republican or Democrat? Doesn't matter.

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Jeb Brack

Apr 29, 2015
2 min

"Kate Be Trippin, Yo"

Tell you a funny story. This old man has two daughters, see? One is beautiful, demure, obedient and everybody wants to marry her, while the other is loud, opinionated, strong-willed—your basic nightmare. So the old man sets up an arranged marriage for the “shrew” daughter, offering tons of money if anybody will marry her. Well, this guy takes the challenge. He—get this—he acts like a crazy man around his new wife, deprives her of food and sleep and decent clothes until sh

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Jeb Brack

Apr 15, 2015
3 min

The Cossacks Reply to the Art Museum

The Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Sultan Paul Porfirov, late 1800s In the collection of the Cincinnati Art Museum This is my second-favorite piece of art of all time. Even before I learned the story behind it, I loved it, and in the five years since moving to Cincinnati, I viewed it every time I visited the museum. It is so expressive and evocative that I made up my own stories about it, which turned out to be close to the truth. You can read about it in detail h

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Jeb Brack

Apr 6, 2015
3 min

My Better Half-Life

Today I have been married to my wife, Anne, for 24 years, which works out to roughly half my life. Can you think of ANYTHING you've done for half of your life, continuously? I know somedays it feels like you spend half your life looking at your cell phone, or replying to email, or waiting on hold with the cable TV company, or cleaning up messes made by children, animals and spouses. But do the math: 24 years x 365 days x 24 hours x 60 minutes = over 12 MILLION minutes you w

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Jeb Brack

Jan 26, 2015
2 min

The World's Most Pointless Post

Today's blog, more than most, is an exercise in futility. I want to communicate an idea to you, an endeavor that is doomed before I begin. In today's world, communication can happen quicker than ever before in human history. I type my words here and press "Post" and you will have access before I leave the room. That's true wherever you are, be it your own home in Cincinnati, or halfway around the world in a Malaysian coffee shop. (Hey, Jason!) And yet, the probability tha

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Jeb Brack

Jan 23, 2015
2 min

The Best GM I Never Had

I don't remember the first time I played Dungeons & Dragons. Isn't that funny? A game that became an integral part of my life and self, and I can't remember my first time. I'm sure it was in junior high, and I'm sure that my friends introduced me to it. I'm sure we played this: ...because I asked for this game as a gift and received it soon after. But I don't remember that first game at all. I do remember that my Dungeon Masters ran adventures typical of 12- and 13-year-

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Jeb Brack

Jan 16, 2015
4 min

N00b!

GM: You walk through the door into a room. It's maybe 10' by 20'. Bookshelves line two of the walls, with many strange volumes upon them that you don't recognize. Weird statuettes or figurines adorn the table in the center, around which sit four men. N00b: What do the men look like? GM: They all wear glasses and T-shirts bearing nerd-related sayings or images. They are in their late 30s or 40s; it's hard to tell because they're kind of doughy. On the table in front of them is

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The Only Election Issue You Need to Know About

Jeb Brack

Jan 12, 2015
2 min

The Only Election Issue You Need to Know About

Republican or Democrat? Doesn't matter. Liberal or Conservative? Who cares? Whig or Tory? Do you even know what that means? The only--THE ONLY--issue you should consider is the name of the probable candidate for President who once served as governor of Florida. Not Bush. That's a fine old name with a long history behind it, not to mention two previous Presidents who also bore it. But we as a nation cannot, under any circumstances, elect as President a man with the name "J

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Jeb Brack

Jan 6, 2015
2 min

Home Again Syndrome

You know the old saying, "Home is where the heart is." (There's another old saying, "You can't go home again", so by the associative property you can't go where your heart is. QED. Thanks again for nothing, English language.) Fact is, you can go home again, and it is much more than where your heart is. Here are five symptoms of Home Again Syndrome. Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch Changes You're driving back to your hometown. On the way you notice a housing development where a field used to

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Jeb Brack

Dec 29, 2014
3 min

Resolved

This is the time of year when every media outlet will ask if you have any New Year's Resolutions, and you will either scoff outright or you will hem and haw and mumble something about maybe working out with your budget more often while you read the great books. Then you will forget about the whole thing until next year at this time. You know why? Because resolutions are BULLSHIT. Just because the calendar runs out and you have to find a new "I Could Pee On This" wall calen

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Jeb Brack

Dec 15, 2014
3 min

Creativity: Switch or Rheostat?

When I show my writings, my drawings, or even my magic to people they will (I hope) admire it, and then they'll often say something like: "Gee, I wish I was creative." The assumption they make is that creativity is a binary state, a condition that either exists or not, and because they cannot or do not make things just like mine, their personal creativity circuit breaker is flipped. ("Right here's your problem; ya got this thing set to 'Uncreative'.") Even more disheartenin

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Jeb Brack

Dec 8, 2014
2 min

Commitments

I told a lie. On a recent episode of The JuiceCast, the podcast I co-host, the question arose: What commitments do you have the hardest time keeping? I replied that I have the hardest time keeping commitments I make to my wife just before I go to sleep, because I never remember them the next day. That wasn’t so, although it runs a close second. I should keep a notepad and a pen on my bedside table so I can write those things down, and then I won’t forget them. In fact, I’m

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Jeb Brack

Dec 1, 2014
2 min

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Do you ever feel joy? Family legend has it that my mother, heavily pregnant, went to a concert of classical music. When they played Beethoven's immortal Ode to Joy, the child in her belly (spoilers: me) roused, kicking in time with the music. I first heard this story at age 20 or so after seeing Die Hard, and being strangely moved by the film score. To this day, it stirs feelings of, well…joy. I listen to it, and I feel good. But is it really joy? Not necessarily. Turns

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Jeb Brack

Nov 10, 2014
1 min

Life In a Lego Town: The Proposal

It was perfect. Bricks Bennet had arranged everything: the balcony table, the champagne, the ring--even the flash mob singing "I Think I Wanna Marry You". Samantha couldn't say no, and she didn't. All of Chez Albert burst into cheers when she accepted. But no sooner had the crowd dispersed than Brick began to wonder. Had he done the right thing? Had he just set the bar for romance far too high? And who was that dark, winged figure at the top of the stairs? #humor #marria

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Jeb Brack

Nov 10, 2014
1 min

Frequently Asked Questions

Every website seems to have one of these. Here are the 10 questions I get asked most often: 1) What's your name? It's Jeb Brack. I seem to get this mostly from people who don't know me, or the occasional elderly relative. 2) Do you know what time it is? I do. As a public service, I have also arranged for it to be on your computer desktop someplace. Look in the corners first. 3) How are you today? Fine, thanks, but please don't pretend like you're interested when all you w

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